I am jealous, plain and simple jealous. It’s been ages, I thought I would improve, but no, it isn’t getting any better. It kills me inside every time this feeling erupts in my mind. Sage is what I want to be in the mind, not bothered and bogged by lesser mortals, but human at the least is what I am and will always be, and I behave like them. It hurts me. But if to think of a reason, if at all there is one, then I must say it’s the nomadic spirit in me. The ever so unsettled fickle mind of mine, which wants to be here now and there the next moment. But there is only one truth and that’s this moment and I can be only person in that time, and every time I take up the role of that one person I fail all the others that I also want to be. And then I am jealous of all that I wanted to be and some else is, at that very moment. This jealousy therefore is perennial and has no solution. It can’t go away just like that. I want some peace in the mind. For me that is the toughest thing to achieve, because the mind is not stationary, it just doesn’t stop. It fails to admit and accept that I can be just one and only one person at one time. I realize everything, I know and yet I am helpless. Sometimes I think I let the jealousy in me fuel, I do it with a reason in mind. But more that doing good and fulfilling that reason, I makes me weak softly and my mind weeps, it cries for the fact that it cant stop. There is a long way to go, I have to keep looking around, if the mind cannot stop I cannot start wearing blinkers, I cant turn myself blind. Let it happen, I will face it. I know that there is no resting in peace.